Generally, we are taught as a culture to calm or suppress our anger. And, there is definitely a time and place for this that is really important, especially if someone’s anger is risking the emotional or physical safety of a child, a partner, a friend, a lover or a stranger. But if we add complexity, when would another response to anger be more useful?
I have had a number of people brag to me about not ever getting angry. What if the real accomplishment is feeling anger through your body? We all get angry, but most of us haven’t learned how to really feel it. And, if we aren’t feeling it, we are missing out on a really valuable part of ourselves, our boundaries and our emotional range.
Anger is a really powerful force. Like bubbles in a bottle after it's been shaken, we need to learn how to harness the release of it. If we open the cap too quickly, there is an explosion. If we keep gathering bubbles or force, it will burst out of the container one way or another at ourselves, or others. But, if we allow it to open a bit again and again, it releases. It moves through us. It mobilizes us to take the action needed. Our actions can be fueled with possibility and creativity, instead of destruction.
What does it mean to stretch your tolerance for anger, beyond calming it?
How does anger squeeze out of you unexpectedly?
How do we learn how to get angry, to feel anger?
How do we use anger as fuel for possibility and creativity?
To feel anger, it requires a reverberation, a visceral response. This is why little kids bite, throw and hit things when they are angry. Hitting something, for example, helps move the emotion through. Yes hitting can be unsafe, and I am not advocating for people to harm one another but, I do want you to think about what kinesthetic tools can move anger?
We all need more ways and more practice to turn towards and feel our anger. How do you feel your anger viscerally? What do you use, that has reverberation?
One of the ways I feel my anger is through boxing. I intentionally use it to let anger reverberate through me. I also scream in the car, letting my vocal cords shake. Punch pillows. And, stomp around like a wrestler, growling.
Anger needs an edge, something to push up against to release. It needs resistance. It beckons for it. What will you give it? How will you practice anger?